


Guilt & Grief Connect Us

by ELSchaaf



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 11:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10359828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ELSchaaf/pseuds/ELSchaaf
Summary: Octavia runs from Arkadia. Ilian follows.  Will she kill him or will they find common ground?





	

Flinging Kane's arm away from her as if his attempt at a comforting touch had burned to the bone, Octavia ran. She didnthe 't care where she went or that she was still physically healing from her near-death experience. As she'd told Bellamy earlier, she was already dead on the inside. 

 

Tears streamed down her face and strangled sobs choked her until she stumbled, unable to catch her breath. 

 

She fell to her knees but scrambled back up immediately and kept going. By the time she reached her destination, her side had split open and there was warm, sticky blood oozing from the wound. 

 

Gritting her teeth, she tried to enter the cave but couldn't. All the memories she'd been so desperately suppressing came rushing back and she cried out in agony, her anger finally directed at the man who had chosen to die for his people rather than live for her. 

 

"WHY?" she screamed, huddling against the opening to the cave, her fingers clawing at the rock, "Why did you leave me?"

 

She'd wanted to die with him or live with him. She didn't care which as long as they were together. But he wouldn't allow it. He'd left her behind and now she couldn't even think his name, let alone speak it aloud. 

 

"I need you," she whispered brokenly. "Why didn't you need me?"

 

When she was utterly spent, exhaustion took over. In spite of the ache of her side and the pebbles burrowing uncomfortably into her skin, Octavia fell into a dark and disturbing sleep. 

 

Hours later, she woke to find herself inside the cave, settled on a warm, familiar fur blanket. 

 

Her eyes flew open and she prepared to defend herself, but then she saw Ilian on the other side of the cave and her hands clenched into fists. 

 

"You really have a death wish, don't you?" Octavia snarled, all too aware of the fact that he'd watched as the heartless Skairippa had revealed that she was merely a broken human after all. 

 

"No more than you do," Ilian stated softly. 

 

That was not the response that Octavia had expected. She glared at him and asked bitterly, "What the hell do you know about my wishes?"

 

"Like recognizes like. It's not hard to see that you have guilt and anger flowing through your own veins just as I have flowing through mine," Ilian responded with an unconcerned shrug. 

 

Octavia remained silent, jaw clenched, nostrils flared as she continued to glare at him. 

 

Instead of waiting for a response, he said, "I followed you." He gave her a moment to take that in before continuing, "Your people should have followed you, too."

 

"My people," Octavia spat, "Don't care for my vengeful attitude." She paused and gave him a feral grin, "You should be wary of that yourself."

 

Ignoring her attempt at baiting him, Ilian asked curiously, "What is this cave to you? Is this where your lover called home?"

 

Octavia was across the cave with her hands around his throat in a heartbeat. 

 

"Don't you dare talk about Lincoln," she warned, barely keeping herself under enough control to avoid choking the life out of him right then and there.  

 

She released him with a grunt and stalked back to the fur blanket when he didn't so much as blink or twitch an eyebrow at her. 

 

"You didn't know him," she said gruffly, "You don't get to talk about him."

 

"But you need to," Ilian said calmly. "Just like I need to speak about my mother and my brothers."

 

Again Octavia was caught off guard. She gave him a wary look but asked, "What about your mother and brothers?"

 

"ALIE used me to kill them," Ilian replied, a bitter twinge curled his lips and his words. "I'm the reason my family is dead."

 

Not ready to talk about Lincoln yet, Octavia said after a pause, "I'm the reason my mother is dead. And you saw my brother..."

 

With a thoughtful nod, Ilian cooked his head to the side and studied her. "He's not as responsible for what happened as you'd like him to be, is he?"

 

Octavia's jaw clenched and she spat out defensively, "What do you know?"

 

"I know he was there for you when I blew your home to pieces," Ilian responded. "And I know you clung to him when he took you from me when I was carrying you out." He paused and studied her again before finishing with, "I also know that you hurt him on purpose. Because you were hurting yourself."

 

He waited for a few moments but when she simply curled in on herself, he added, "You feel guilty as well, don't you?"

 

"Why should I?" Octavia demanded, but her voice nearly broke at the end so she didn't sound nearly as defiant as she'd meant to sound.

 

"You tell me," Ilian replied patiently.  

 

Her jaw worked hard and it took several attempts to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat, but she couldn't keep the tears from glistening in her eyes as she said, "I killed Lincoln. He's dead because of me."

 

Ilian nodded as if he'd been expecting her to say that. He pressed his palms to his crossed legs and said, "And I killed my family. They're dead because of me."

 

The two sat in silence for a long time. 

 

Finally, Octavia nodded as well and grudgingly admitted, "I guess we have something in common after all."  

 

And suddenly, strangely, neither of them felt quite as alone as they had when they'd first entered that cave. 


End file.
